Wrestling with the Good Days

Photo on 5-26-15 at 2.45 PMI feel great today. I got more sleep than usual. I have energy and my mood is mostly happy, or at least mostly not depressed. And these are some of my hardest days.

It’s relatively easy for me to follow a program, go to a meeting, read a meditation, write in my notebook, when i’m between 20-50%, because I know I need help. Days like today, it’s so easy to think, “I’m cured, no need to waste energy on riding my bike to that AA meeting today. I beat it!”

I’ll just go to bed at the same time tonight and have the same thing for breakfast and simply NOT have a drink or think negative thoughts and I’m good! To keep working toward something that can never be achieved–beating mental illness–when I can’t even feel the presence of that illness, is sometimes as hard to face as the days that I feel like crap.

But at least I feel great today. I’ll try to use that extra energy to keep fighting and I’ll let y’all know if I make that meeting tonight.


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